As we tear open a copy of Duke Nukem Forever for PC with the intention of putting it through a review, the thought crosses our mind that it’s not just old-school fans of the Duke who may be on tenterhooks. When a game takes almost 15 years in the making, developers are obviously under a lot of pressure to turn out something marvelous. So more than a decade and a few snipes about vaporware down the line, the latest version of Duke Nukem actually managed to reach Xbox 360, PS3 and PC. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out there are few things worse than trying to live up to fans’ expectations that have been stewing for a very long time. You can just be a 2K or Gearbox Software developer instead.
The scene opens up into a washroom and congratulations if you thought grabbing poop out of a commode and hurling it at the walls means earning an achievement. It does. The plot is straightforward. ‘The alien invaders are stealing Earth’s women, especially the hot ones! Time to bring pain.’ sums it up perfectly. We can’t confirm accusations about the aliens drinking Duke’s beer though. If you look at the game as a whole, it mostly involves shooting down aliens or pig cops and coming on top in boss fights. After a few battles in Duke’s world, you’ll figure melee attacks to be quite ineffectual and hence a stubborn finger on trigger is your best option.
Duke Nukem Forever uses the two weapon system, which means you can’t carry more than two guns at the same time. Among the regular fare, there are some pretty interesting ones like the Enforcer Gun, Devastator and Shrink Ray. The last mentioned works well on enemies like the one resembling Jabba the Hutt, though it runs out of ammo too soon, while shotguns are the best to wield when it comes to pig cops. Dodge, duck, shoot and replenish ammo are the only moves you need to be familiar with when battling it out against practically everyone, except for the Energy Leech in its watery abode. You’ve got to keep zooming into the air bubble vents in order to draw in lungfuls of oxygen in this part. Blowin’ The Dam and Final Battle are arguably the most challenging and immersive chapters in the game.
The part where Duke climbs into a monster truck and speeds through Mighty Foot, Ghost Town, Highway Battle and a section of Dam Top may appear contrived to some. But it’s not a bad stretch at all and a sort of relief from the other ‘cute puzzles’ we’ll come to later. Getting a pig cop down on his knees and executing him boosts the Ego bar and so do things like interacting with objects such a pinball machine, dumbbells or scoring a basket. The only problem is, the environments are not interesting enough to tempt most people into exploring them. Inconsistency in terms of gameplay and the entire visual presentation are not pleasant elements and Duke Nukem Forever suffers on these fronts. Defeating hordes of pig cops with a scrupulous eye on the ammo and taking down a boss quickly are the fondest memories you’re prone to be left with at the end.
The dialogues start with ‘It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum…and I’m all outta gum’ and offer a few crude, but not entirely humorless lines like ‘Take a bite of Duke’s special Pain Cake’, ‘If it bleeds, I can kill it’ and ‘Hail to the king, babe’ along the way. You should be able to guess the movie from which at least one of these lines has been derived. In terms of character, Duke is the same bawdy, hyper-masculine and wisecracking exaggeration of an action hero. The only problem is that he’s found himself in a much more earnestly diplomatic world where even nursery rhymes like Baa Baa black sheep seem to strike an uncomfortable note. So cigarette packs branded Faggs with men in leather on the cover, the vehemently unrelenting objectification of women and jokes about abortions aren’t cool even if Mr. Nukem seems only as mature as a pubescent teenager.
As for the included physics-based puzzles that wreak havoc upon any sane person’s patience, the gushing developers probably went ‘Duke’s so handsome, strong and badass. Let’s train him to be smart too.’ We’re pressed through leaping from shelves to ladles to hotplates to cogs and more in the least engaging way possible, apart from the fact that we’ve been shrunk to action figure size. Moving around barrels to lighten or weigh down trailers or cranes feels very like excruciatingly annoying interruptions. There’s obviously a hidden objective behind these humdrum exercises and it will manage to stay hidden until Duke starts thinking. For crying out loud, at least laboratory rats get rewarded in nibbles for pulling through miniature mazes and whatever else. We have a tie over the award for the most annoying and wasteful episode between a major part of The Duke Burger and Titty City.
When you’re done with the last of the toilet humor involving pissing into the Cycloid Emperor’s eye and sailing off into the sunset hand-in-hand with General Graves, you’ll probably be left with a nagging doubt. Were the developer dudes taking a swipe at the kind of shoot ‘em ups we see today? In regards to the sound effects, did they even try? With subtitles enabled, you can play the whole game with the volume muted and not feel the slightest sense of loss when it comes to immersing yourself in the title or dodging away from harm. The Ego bar, which stands in as the life reckoner is good enough for warning us when we need to duck for cover and wait for it to get replenished. The sound effects almost seem have been added as an afterthought and the dated graphics are not exactly what our eyes like getting used to.
Final Word: By virtue of the game spanning through 23 levels of variable lengths and including multiplayer options, you’re sitting on some decent amount of replay value here. Then there are the Piece of cake, Let’s rock, Come get some and Damn, I’m good difficulty modes to try out too. Duke Nukem Forever isn’t a game to be taken seriously, especially if you want to be able to forgive the sense of humor. Is it worth all the anticipation? Well, that will depend on whether you’re a gamer, possibly middle-aged, who has actually played Duke Nukem before or just someone curious about all the hubbub surrounding it. Guess which group is expected to embrace Duke Nukem Forever, laugh nostalgically at its questionable humor and think nothing of handing anything starting from $35 for its latest version.
Graphics: 5.5/10
Sounds: 5/10
Environments: 6.5/10
Gameplay: 6.5/10
Replay Value: 8/10
Overall (not an average): 7/10